Well, Thursday night the Thunder went on that trendy "Hoagland-free diet" you've heard so much about. Although it temporarily shed some water weight and took some of the sag out of our breasts, experts say such a fad diet is a self-defeating shortcut and not a sound long-term solution for weight management. What I'm getting at with this convoluted construction is: We want our Hoaglands back!
The presence of Dutchmen (albeit of the Hoosier variety) lends an air of legality for Stenson's lifestyle, for one. For another, my motivational pre-game pep talk was somehow seen as too negative. (I don't know what's so negative about "Don't blow this, you clowns." Sheesh. I mean, it worked for our manipulative Czech father, which is why Martin and I are so mentally healthy.)
But since said Dutch Hoaglands were off gallivanting in California (no doubt at Bohemian Grove, engaging in some pagan sacrifice and butt-spanking rituals), the rest of us had to dig in the trenches of our HNA B2 opponent. Also missing on this night was Irv, who was again working for The Man. But the good news is he's starting to move up in the company.
We're Still Kinda Shy at First We again started off a bit timid, especially in our own zone. But luckily, for the second game in a row, we got a goal on the first shift, which seemed to break the ice. We were still tentative, leaving the Rams some opportunities to move the puck and skate around in our zone, but whenever we broke out on offense, we put some serious pressure on.
I know I personally had several instances of blowing off an open pointman who called for the puck -- which, although a display of unbridled greed, is also a sign that we were controlling play.
And despite the presence of Keystone Cop G'Mache, the goals continued to flow -- even ones that weren't counted due to phantom "he kicked the puck in" calls that followed 25 seconds of brilliant G'machian deliberation. The score of each period was 3-1 in our favor; final shots were 38-21. We pretty much never let up.
Adam, You're Like, Mean Speaking of not letting up: Even though a game in the hands of G'mache is a game that can magically change at any moment, Adam apparently upset Hirschenmoenchengladbachmueller by scoring our eighth goal. This whining from the guy who walks (but rarely skates) like he owns the place and wields his body with license to dangerously board anyone in his path. Whatever. Adam never backed down, even when surrounded by two sequoias who were encroaching on Kevin during another one of G'mache's "I'll blow the whistle when I'm good and ready" moments.
Women and Pucks Beware: Wiggins on a scoring tear Wiggins continued his magical year of scoring success with woman and puck by netting our first goal. While the judges gave him 6.0's for Execution and Opportunism, the Artistic Merit of his deke only received a 5.1 (the puck wobbled a bit on its way over the line...sorry).
But Wait, There's More of These 'Defense'men Jim dropped his Walker for a moment to pick up a nice breakout assist -- his first in several games, he says -- and he made up for it by tipping the final goal past "Cusumano's, that's Cusumano's" K-Feld, who somehow escaped Wiggins' scorn on that goal. When we weren't tipping the puck past him, K-Feld had some nice back-to-back saves on goalmouth crashes. I guess he's been working out his groin muscles. Huh.
Sloppy Rob, meanwhile, returned from some sort of quarantine relating to a medical study in Tijuana to pick up a nice assist and a few great outlet passes that almost led to goals. Yes, this means Stenson was the only rearguard with ZEROS on the scoresheet. He had some nice plays and rushes, too, but since the scoresheet in front of me doesn't mention those, I refuse to acknowledge them.
My Greed Knows No End With Adam and I double-shifting at center, three pairs of wingers were alternating their centers all night. And all three "lines" had several moments of buzzing the Ram net. Mouser got the second goal on a breakaway he created all by himself (he received several cheers from the crowd in the stands, which tells us why he was able to skip "Charmed" on this night). Copeland picked up a goal and one particularly sweet assist on the rush. Garrett picked up a goal and some nice assists working with me and 'Decoy' Martin -- whose backchecking was a standard-setter -- including the phantom "kicking" goal I had waived off. Mike K. set me up for one and, like the rest, could have had plenty more.
But the best assists of all may have been from Carlton and Copeland, on a goalmouth tic-tac-toe that had the puck wobbling up against the post after Carlton knocked converted Copeland's pass. Not content to leave it to chance (read: miss out on a point) of a then 6-3 game, I whacked the wobbling puck in and shouted "That was all me!"
G'Mache, G'Mache Did I mention Stenson was left off the scoresheet? His head must've already been in Naples, Fla. He did show up in the penalty box, though, filling "The Other Craig" Hoagland's phantom anti-Lady Byng role for the second game in a row. He was taken down hard twice with no call, but G'Mache, whose perplexing view of the world was on display in ways too numerous to count, also helped show Stenson the door after a Ram spun around him.
Alas, we got our licks in. No, Mike K. didn't fire a clearance up the boards to elicit a lecture this time. But G'mache's legendary hockey skills were repeatedly praised with the utmost sincerity, I assure you (yeah, I assure you). And Mouser even at one point asked him if he had "joined an over-60 league." Not recommended barbs to throw at a man who wields power in unpredictable ways, but funny nonetheless.
Also funny: Stenson was the only one left off the scoresheet. Have fun in Florida, bastard.
Next Game: Monday, January 8, 10:15 p.m. Ice Zone/Mills vs. Icemen (We're Home/White)
As you may have noticed, the site has changed. Sampa, the free-site host, did a version 2 of some sort.
Despite an FAQ that made it sound like allowing one's site to go through v.2 surgery would be okay, there were several flexibilities that surprisingly disappeared with the click of a button. (e.g. I cannot believe sidebars like this one are even narrower than before.)
And I'm told -- miraculously! -- that the conversion cannot be undone. Truth be told, I'm actually quite pissed. But free is free. Sampa has otherwise been good to me.
So I need to sort through site "features" to see how I can make do. Except that I don't have the time at the moment, in the middle of graduate classes and Lighthousehockey.com. (btw, I've removed that Lighthouse RSS feed so that you're not clogged with random Islanders hockey gibberish).
But I promise to touch up the accessories when I get a chance, and return to irregularly scheduled blogging.
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