Final Stingers - 0 Thunder - 7 Attendance: 3, filling Mills Mallarena to 1% capacity
Never mind that the Stingers only had three subs, this was an impressive full-team Thunder effort. Last season we took them lightly on their short-bench night and lost. Not tonight.
Not that we learned all the relevant lessons of history. Last season opened with a shutout, too, and we saw how that season turned out. Ah, but this year "goes up to 11" -- we won seven-nothing instead of 6-0. That'll make all the difference!
Great backchecking, mostly constant movement – though the second period was a little shaky – key Mr. Zero saves, and the first win was in the bag.
The following is a loose, unreliable, pre-fabricated timeline:
Pregame 8:30 -- DL'd Decoy Jansky settles in on his couch to watch "Oprah" off the Tivo.
9:00 – K-Feld arrives and promptly licks his mask, polishing any fingerprint smudges that got on the new paint job between the car and the locker room. But where is the Spenard mask-cup?
9:10 – Yours truly arrives and has his ankle promptly cared for by both Sloppy Rob the Cobbler and fellow Nurse Tony the Rogue Brewer. "Charmed" Mouser laments that he has aches and needs too, yet no one is coming to his aid. We explain that we tune him out – Mrs. Mouser has confirmed in this forum that such treatment is appropriate – so his aches no longer register with us.
9:15 – Hoagland the Greater underlines the point when he puts his helmet on and hears the echos of Mouser’s “GET UP! GET UP!” chants from last year still reverberating through the RBK In-Helmet Transponder System.
9:20 – D(e)J(ai) the Stinger goalie checks in to inform us he has rested all summer. Is it a ruse to get our guard down, or will this inspire Thunder strikes from all around?
9:21 -- It is wondered aloud which of hunting, fishing, golfing or gambling Fisherman Mike will take off work to do in the morning.
9:25 – Satisfied that, remarkably, no one has forgotten any equipment, Captain Hoagland the Lesser leads the parade to the ice. Amping up the pressure, Thunder alum Chetta is in the audience, expecting goals. K-Feld’s Lisa and her son are also there, expecting talent. Ha! The youngster’s first-ever “pro” hockey game was the night before ... he's in for a shock.
9:35 – The Spirit of Zombo is strong in us: We run warm-up shots and Montreal drills with nary a collision or fall. Joe announces that he’s back full-time, but he intends to withhold his patented Skull-fu**er 2.0 for a later game.
First Period In which we’re rolling lines quickly, buzzing their zone, and backchecking.
9:45 – After sustained pressure, Copeland opens scoring with a nifty move, taking the puck out from the corner to the keeper’s left and slipping it through a seam about the size of the hole in those old shoot-from-center-ice-and-bankrupt-an-unlucky-car-dealer contests they had at The Arena.
9:46 – Walker attempts his first threaded pass up the middle of the season. Stenson gasps.
9:53 – Sitting at home with his daughter, G catches “Barney, Episode 23: The Antichrist Comes to Remove Your Last Few Neurons.”
9:55 – After Puckhog Jansky nets an over-the-shoulder goal and an uncontested point-blank backhand goal, Copeland commemorates the half period for which he led Thunder scoring. Heads bow with respect.
10:00 – One more uncontested rebound garbage goal for Puckhog Jansky follows. On the bench, simmering suspicion over the whole off-season ankle surgery melodrama quickly turns to active resentment. But Fisherman Mike and the Cobbler are appeased for the moment, as their separate plays to keep the puck in the zone and get it to the uncontested top of the crease keyed each goal.
Second Period Leading 4-0, we relax a bit and call on K-Feld for some saves and smothers. Hey, most of us skated the night before, while K-Feld relaxed at the Blues game. Let him do some work while we take a load off.
10:10 – Hoagland the Lesser unveils a heavier shot for 2007-08, testing D(e)J(ai) and crediting his new Hoagland Continuously Variable Transmission.
10:12 – Sitting at home, dreaming of Pilates class, Decoy Jansky is caught off guard when his son walks in, prompting Decoy to quickly flip from “Grey’s Anatomy” to the History Channel’s “Great War Machines." "Oh, hi son. No Daddy's not crying ... just a little dust in the eye is all."
10:20 – Stenson goes back to the tried and true: falling as he shoots from a Copeland pass. It’s well-saved, and in the ensuing slide Stenson cleans the ice with his rump from the top of the circle to the endboards.
10:23 – Mike is set up and robbed, twice, from the slot. Suddenly, scoring appears as tough as catching fish on the Eleven Point River.
10:24 – Displaying linemate solidarity, Yours Truly blows an uncontested breakaway. Carlton laughs and hopes his linemates will throw him a bone for full solidarity.
10:30 – The second period ends after a flurry of K-Feld saves. He's on and proud, with a whole new stylish look [pictured, left] this season. Feel the Thunder.
Third Period 10:40 -- Despite helping Adam and Copeland apply a whole shift load of pressure, Tony returns to the bench cursing himself for the sixth time, extending his team lead in self-flagellation minutes (SFM).
10:43 – The goals roll forth again. The Woodcutter gets not one but two front-of-net chances, missing by inches (in accordance with the prophecies). But after the first, he centers to uncovered Yours Truly again, who nets another couple of goals from within 6 feet of the net.
10:45 – Tony and Mouser inform me that my pastel doo rag will get me shot for sure, before the season is a few games old. I sense fashion jealousy and offer it as an auctionable keepsake, but I trust Mrs. Mouser will buy one for him.
10:46 – Strangely, despite the ref’s firm desire to go home as quickly as possible, Hoagland the Greater is whistled for being in the crease. The man is a walking Anti-Byng.
10:50 – As Mouser quietly centers the Hoagland Sandwich line, Hoagland the Greater takes over the vocals, announcing that he has the point covered – then promptly abandons his post to pinch in while leaving a grateful Stinger to lead the breakout. Post-game, while taking in the sweet sounds of the Dorsett's house band, the Greater would explain: “I must not have seen him.” Oh. Must not have.
10:52 – Feeding off the new policy of Reckless Abandonment, Stenson pinches again and again for shots, while the rest of us join the chorus of “Yeah, screw K-Feld, he had a shutout last year.”
10:54 – After a few more K-Feld saves to formally renew his "Who's Who Among America's Zeros" membership, Joe pinches the puck against the boards to run out the clock, warning the ref and Stingers who try to dislodge it: “Don’t make me bust out the Skullf**er.”
Copeland's game-winner stands. And my ankle injury is exposed as just another pathetic last-child, primadonna's cry for attention.
At the Dorsett, the house band serenades us with Journey and some other stuff I've now successfully blocked from my mind. Even the waitress concedes the band's peculiar presence. Still, we find the quietest corner of the bar to revel in our undefeated, zero-GAA-edness. Yeah baby.
Up Next: Creve Couer scrimmage/practice for the off-week, 10:15p Wednesday.
Next game: Mon., Oct. 22, 10:30p at the Mills vs. Wildcats
Comments (2) for "Mr. Zero Rises Again"
I saw the cherry-pickin's SOB, but only after the puck was headed to his red-line straddling ass. He was so far out of position, he made me out of position. Honest. At least he probably had the excuse of being on the ice for his fourth straight miunte. A-hole.
By Hoagland the Greater - 10/15/2007 4:53 AM
What is the back-checking thing of which you speak? It is hard to believe much of what you write. Heavier Gov'na slap shot? Make sure Mr. Zero licks his mask before each game. Sorry to hear Woodcutter measured the crease twice but failed to cut even once. Nice to know the other Jansky is following his Greater brother's lead by dining exclusively on garbage goals - not pretty, but it still satisfies. Oprah was pretty sweet, something about putting vegetable puree in all your food. Nice game. Feeling even more unnecessary than usual.
By Martin "Decoy" Jansky, the other white meat - 10/15/2007 5:56 AM
As you may have noticed, the site has changed. Sampa, the free-site host, did a version 2 of some sort.
Despite an FAQ that made it sound like allowing one's site to go through v.2 surgery would be okay, there were several flexibilities that surprisingly disappeared with the click of a button. (e.g. I cannot believe sidebars like this one are even narrower than before.)
And I'm told -- miraculously! -- that the conversion cannot be undone. Truth be told, I'm actually quite pissed. But free is free. Sampa has otherwise been good to me.
So I need to sort through site "features" to see how I can make do. Except that I don't have the time at the moment, in the middle of graduate classes and Lighthousehockey.com. (btw, I've removed that Lighthouse RSS feed so that you're not clogged with random Islanders hockey gibberish).
But I promise to touch up the accessories when I get a chance, and return to irregularly scheduled blogging.
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, polishing any fingerprint smudges that got on the new paint job between the car and the locker room. But where is the Spenard mask-cup?
Sloppy 
Rob the Cobbler
9:53 – Sitting at home with his daughter, 
Comments (2) for "Mr. Zero Rises Again"